The State of Your Independence (repost)

Happy  4th of July, SWARM Readers!

Independence is being able to make your own decisions to have control over your life.

     As we celebrate the holiday of Independence, tell me this, what is the state of your independence?  Are you as independent as you would like to be?

      If you are like most single moms, your finances and your independence are closely woven together. Money is what allows us to do what we want to do. It gains us control over our lives and especially over our future.  The more money you have for your needs, the more money you have for your wants.  One way to gain control right this very moment is to stop and examine how you spend your money.  Who and what is getting your your hard earned cash?

     In the previous post, we learned that in the year 2012,  the wage gap between men and women is still raging on.  We shared an example of how this gap steals financial opportunities from women, and that the money lost, affects our day to day spendings, as well as our potential for a healthy financial future.  We learned that the gap of 25% amounts to a loss of $100,000 over a ten year period for a woman who makes 15.00/hr compared to a man employed in the same position (similar education and experience) who makes 20.00/hr.

     Now that you know you are not on a level playing field you must begin to make financial decisions that will help you hold on to more of your earnings.  Not only will your finances improve, but your independence will grow and your children can be witnesses to the process of money making decisions that will help improve their quality of life.

     

    Hardly a day goes by that a single mom doesn't encounter a situation where she needs to make a decision that will affect her finances.  There are times in her life that, if she only had a little more knowledge on a specific subject, she would have been able to make a better financial decision. Sometimes it's that additional information that can help prevent overspending, resulting in enough of a savings to purchase a tank of gas, pay a utility bill, buy some groceries, or put into a savings account.

Consider this story: 

     I went to have my car's oil changed at a repair shop that performs both my regular maintenance and emergency repairs. After the oil was changed and the liquids replenished, I was told that I would also need an air filter.  The mechanic explained that they used to change the air filter as part of the oil change, but with the price of oil so high, it is a procedure all its own.   I asked him how much it would cost.  He replied, '$17.00 for the part and $45.00 for the labor' (this was based on the half hour rate).  I asked if the change was something that absolutely must be done now or could it wait?   With a concerned look on his face, he answered that he would have it done 'as soon as possible'.

     I am not a mechanic. I am a mother on a budget. A mother with a child who rides in my car (I'm thinking safety here),  so... on the ride home, (after declining the service), I stopped by an auto parts store.  I went in and asked the clerk for the price of an air filter ($17.00). I questioned whether replacing the filter would be something I could do myself.  He asked why I wanted to know.   I explained I had just come from the auto repair shop where the mechanic said I needed the filter. I did not have the extra $45.00 (labor fee) it would take to have the service performed. The clerk at the auto parts store became obviously annoyed.  He asked me to follow him.  'Where is your car?'  I pointed to my car, and he told me to pop the hood.  He scanned the space, found some sort of container, removed a piece of casing, pulled the part out (it was dripping oil) and put the new filter in its place.  He put the top back on, flipped a lever to secure the casing and said, 'There's your $45.00 labor fee.' I was dumbfounded. I paid for the part, thanked the clerk and drove off.  Once home, I replayed the two events over in my head.  I wondered what else I was being over-charged for and by whom?

     Since that day, I have made it a point to pay attention to who is getting my money and for what.

I have become hyper-vigilant when spending and I make it a point to check receipts, bills, etc. 

My daughter has observed me making phone calls to grocery stores, banks and even my human resource manager about errors that affect my finances. You never know when you might find a price discrepancy at the grocery store, an error in a checking account or a mistake on a payroll check, (like not getting paid for hours worked!).  My child is at the age where she doesn't like to be standing in line with me as I go through the bags and receipt to make sure I have gotten the savings I was supposed to get. However, she is observing good financial management and she understands if I have saved any money I just might use a portion of that to put into our Broadway saving fund.

What can you do to grow your independence?

Scholarship . . . smolership

Hello Swarm Buzz Single Moms

Happy Friday.

I want to share with you something that I learned recently that might help you in the future.  You know how I am always looking to learn and share something about something ?  Well, I find this interesting.

College scholarships!

Have you ever heard the jibberish that children of single moms go to college (or trade schools) for free or close to it???  Let me say to you, this is not true.  There is not one child I know of who has gotten a free education because of his/her parents marital status.  It simply does not happen.  I have been through the big book of scholarships, (in fact two of them) and I haven't yet found scholarships for children who have a single parent.  IF the scholarship focuses on children of single parents, there is a 'disclaimer' which has many other requirements, (Race, Religion, Illness, etc), there is not one that I know of - so if you know different, please share in the comments section as this would be helpful for the rising freshman college students.

Tell your kids if they want to graduate from college without student loan debt, then they must work diligently during high school.  They must choose SOMETHING to excel at then they need create leadership opportunities for themselves.   That is it in a nutshell.  Colleges see good grades all the time.  Your child must stand out and show the admissions folks how special they are and how beneficial the COLLEGE will be to have them.  Parents . . .  get started now and help guide your children to a better life for all!

"You're never fully dressed without a smile"

"You're never fully dressed without a smile" from the Broadway play Annie

Hello Swarm Single Moms

If you are interested in saving money and looking your best, consider having your teeth cleaned.

Brushing and flossing are important steps in dental hygiene, but so too is a visit to your dentist who can help find clues about the health of your mouth and the overall health of your body.

You see, the mouth can reveal indicators about potential problems with your body and a good dentist can often be the gateway to your path for maintaining good health.

During a routine dental visit a good dentist may be able to uncover the following potential problems:

Upper respiratory disorders. 

Viral infections in the lungs of suffers can produce lesions or sores inside their mouths.

    

Acid reflux and Hiatal Hernia. 

Suffers who repeatedly burp bile into their mouths can experience eroded tooth enamel and a bitter taste in their mouths.

Diabetes.             

Clues left in the mouth of diabetics include inflammation, infections, dry mouth, burning tongue, persistent gingivitis and multiple lesions. (Diabetics have special needs because some diabetic medication causes dry mouth and lack of saliva production which is known to cause cavities and gum disease.)

Kidney failure.    

Dentists can also find evidence of kidney failure.  Retarded tooth development in children, dry mouth, odor, metallic taste, ulcers on the tongues and gums in adults may lead the dentist to suggest a visit to a medical doctor to check for properly functioning kidneys.

Anemia. 

Some of the earliest signs of anemia are oral, (including burning, fiery red tongue, inflamed mucous membrane and difficulty swallowing.

Osteoporosis. 

Xrays of the mouth can reveal eroded and thinner jawbones which is a symptom of osteoporosis.

When you are seeking a new dentist, make sure they are members of the ADA (American Dental Association) and that they have experience as well as continued growth and study of new and important discoveries in the field of dentistry.

Do not allow for more than one or two separate x-rays per year.  In fact, you should not need more than one x-ray every two years if your dental health has not been compromised.  Too many x-rays can cause more harm than good! The dental office employees will often encourage more x-rays and tell you they are much safer than in the past.  This is somewhat true, but studies continue to show that x-rays are still intrusive and should be kept to a minimum.

Swarm Single Moms - I am an advocate for helping our children grow into independent adults, but at the same time I do not advocate sending your children to medical/dental appointments alone.  I have many reasons for this including the belief that there are too many scammers in the world who take advantage of the naive and ignorant. This applies to auto mechanics and electricians to doctors and dentists.  When a customer is ignorant (read unknowledgeable) about specific areas that involve outside help to navigate, there is always going to be room for foul play.  Most people are not scammers, however in the world of the single mom where time is money, money is tight and we are being pulled in so many directions, we need reminders that we must be physically and mentally present with regard to our children's health.  If your work schedule makes this difficult to do, then use your vacation days.  (I don't know why the medical profession is so slow to open on Saturdays). Take advantage of the days they are out of school for school holidays, make your appointments, then spend your scheduled time off to hang out with them.  Show them by example the importance of making and keeping their health maintenance a priority!

Swarm Single Moms . . .  our children need us to be their advocates which means sitting in the room with a health care provider to evaluate findings and determine the course of actions to take.

Two things happened in my life that reinforce this belief. 

1) When my child was getting ready for braces, the first orthodontist we saw wanted to pull perfectly good adult teeth.  Doing this would have made the ortho procedure easier for the orthodontist and my child would be without two adult healthy (near the front) teeth.  Her smile would have been off, but her teeth would've been straight.  UGH! Really??? You do not pull adult healthy teeth unnecessarily! EVER!  This was my big clue that this ortho was not for us.  We left and I found an orthodontist who was able to expand her palate and then put the braces on.  Yes, it took about 4 months longer, but she HAS HER HEALTHY ADULT TEETH!!!

Perhaps this ortho wasn't really trying to take the easy way out.  Perhaps they were just ignorant of all the possibilities, but whatever the reason, my gut told me to grab my child and walk out.  

2) The second experience I want to share happened when I was a teen. My mom would come to the appointment with me, but she would sit in the front office and wait.  I was a big chested teen and apparently, one with really bad teeth.  (It seems in retrospect that I was always going to the dentist.)  He was always finding a small cavity or replacing one that already existed.  So much so that I ended up with 4 root canals in my mouth over three years.  I did not eat sweets and because of the connection between pop and acne I did not even drink pop.  Anyway what I am saying at this stage in my life is that all the dental work may have been unnecessary because once I stopped going to him, my dental problems disappeared. But the other story here is why I stopped going to him.

I mentioned that I was large chested and during the last visit instead of using his utensil tray to hold the tools, he used my chest.  When he grabbed for the first tool and ended up touching my breast, my eyes popped and so did the eyes of his assistant.  I made eye contact with her and she with me, both of us looking stunned. I stayed in the seat unsure of how to handle this and looking for some assistance from his assistant.  I saw her look at him and he, Dr. Timothy Foley, ignored her and continued to work in my mouth -  acting as if nothing happened.  I waited and tried to figure out what to do if that should happen again.  And it did.  When he was done and collecting the tools his hands were all over my chest. I sat up letting the tools fall all over the ground and HE WAS AGITATED that I did that.   Long story short.  I never went back. I never told anyone and he may have continued to do this with others.   

It took me years before I went to another dentist and I have since only gone to female dentists. Same for my child.  All of our health care providers are women with the exception on my daughter's orthodontist and her pediatric cardiologist (the best in his field).  It's my thing and I am not saying only choose female dentists.  But this obviously affected me and the choices that I make.  Of course I would like to prevent that from happening to my child and you and your child, too.  Oddly enough, it has only been in the last few years that I remembered why I stopped going to Dr. Foley.  

   

By the way, at least some of the work he did on my mouth may truly have been unnecessary and unfortunately once a tooth has been compromised it only goes downhill from there. That is why taking care of your teeth is so important.  

The truth is . . . it is not about straight teeth.  It is about taking care and having clean and sparkling teeth.  A smile is your best accessory. It releases happy hormones, makes your eyes smile and shows the world that you are approachable.  It may, over the years, increase the lines around your eyes and mouth, but never negatively nor to the degree that constant and continued frowning does.  

Moral of the story.  There are good and bad dentist out there. Find one you are comfortable with and who you think is good and working with your best interest in mind.  Changing dentists, even if you have been going to them for years. . .  is allowed. Do what is best for YOU (and your children)...

A Footnote

Always check your bills.  Don't have your bills sent to the insurance provider without having duplicate bills sent to you.  Ask your insurance provider to work with you to insure that they are being billed for services actually provided.  I was just remembering a dentist we once had who billed us for services, x-rays - that I declined to have.  The dental office did not think that was a big deal and tried to talk me out of having the fee declined because I would be getting the x-rays at some point in the near future anyway.  But, this is a big deal because it is 1) fraud and 2) if you choose not to go back to this dentist your insurance will say that you already had the x-rays and will not pay for the ones you do have.  This billing employee was let go because of this practice.  A good dentist will get rid of bad employees, especially ones who try to cheat the system . . . happy brushing swarm single moms.  :)

Happy Mother's Day!

Hello Swarm Single Moms

Happy Mother's Day!!!

On this day when we celebrate all you do, I want to chat about . . . your health.

Do you schedule regular health examinations for YOU?

If not . . . Why not?

You work hard every day. You go the extra mile every day.  You are super mom and sometimes super dad all wrapped up in one, sometimes overly stressed body.  Stress is bad.  Stress kills.

That is the reason I often provide information on ways to reduce stress.

But do you know what else kills?  Ignorance!!!
(Ignorance is the act of ignoring (wink) that which you can not deal with at this time.)  Do not get into the habit of ignoring your health and/or your health issues.

Here is the reason why I plead with you to not ignore your health.  You will be spending (hopefully) the first 21 years of your child's life trying to ensure that they are taken care of with healthy food, plenty of sleep, clean clothes...you know what you do to help provide your children with the best of what you can do for them.  So consider that you work hard for the first 21 years only to have them reach a stage in their lives where you get to enjoy them as adults and you find yourself sick.  Too sick to spend time with them, to relax and enjoy whom they have become.  Wouldn't it be a pity if you were to discover a preventable illness or disease at the time in your life where you could slow down?

Don't let this happen.  Instead let's make May the month where children celebrate their moms and where mom's celebrate clean bills of health.  Swarm Moms . . . take time this month to schedule your appointments for visits to the doctor.  List your concerns and address them with your health care attendant.  Get your questions, get some answers and get some relief from any worry you may have that might be festering on your back burner.  Take care of yourself and continue to give your children the best of who you are - now and for the future.        

Give your family . . . more . . . Happy . . . Mother's . . Days

pessimist? optimist?

 "A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty."               Winston Churchill



Hello Swarm Single Moms

Are you an optimist or a pessimist??
How you see yourself and how you see the world, greatly affects your children and their views of the world.

If you spent your pregnancy abstaining from all that may be harmful to your babies, then spent the ensuing years teaching them to wear a safety belt and a bike helmet, you made sure their shots were up to date, then kept them up to date..if you took all sorts of protective measures to ensure they would survive ... can you say that you took equivalent measures to ensure they would survive happily and thrive. You know... you can help to nurture how your kids view the world and whether they see their world as a glass half empty or half full.

Moms!!! Were you aware that you can help greatly improve the quality of your kids lives by teaching them to view the world as a happy and welcoming place.  Did you know that by teaching them how to adapt to change (and to view it as an adventure), how to tackle and solve problems (like they are building puzzles) and how to bounce back from adversity and challenges (i.e. you get knocked down, but you are not out of the game)... that you are increasing their likelihood for happiness.  When you teach them self-reliance and how to solve their problems (yes, including making mistakes) you are helping to create a mindset that helps them view the world as manageable.  

Let's take the time -  as we proceed through this life, to help create the mindset that this life is pretty dang good and that we have the power to make it better.  Let's protect our children's minds and positive personalities by doing all that we can to not create pessimists, nay sayers and all out negative people.  This life is good ... even when we have seemingly insurmountable struggles and challenges!  So let's do what we can to make negative, pessimistic and other nastiness ... disburse and disappear now!!!

Vacation/staycation

Hello Swarm Buzz Moms

We had spring break two weeks ago and instead of leaving on the Friday school let out and returning on Sunday, (the day before we go back to school and work) we came home a few days early and what a great idea that was.  It gave us a restful and relaxing way to prep for the beginning of the last term of the school year.   

I guess you could say we had a vacation, followed by a staycation!

The vacation part was spent out of town, doing touristy things, visiting with relatives, visiting museums, eating out, etc. The staycation was the opposite and it was just as good.  With no plans made I had a sleep-in until 8:30 am, and I still was up and running, having all my chores completed by 10, including my emails checked, kitchen and bathroom floors washed, bills paid and the travel accoutrements put back into storage. 

By 10:10 am,  I was ready to hit some sales. Unfortunately, there were no estate sales the first morning home so I did the next best thing . . . Popping some tags at the Thrift Stores!!!

With mocha lattes in hand, my tag popper partner and I were off.  We began at the thrift stores that were the farthest from our starting point so we could swing around at the end of the day, conveniently close to home, (with all our treasures!)

Store # 1 held many treasures.  My first find was a Vera Bradley handbag for $4.00.  It is a small handbag and I plan to sell it for $25.00.  I was going to sell it for $10.00 but my treasure hunting partner suggested $25.00.  She had gone online to see what the going rate was and some are selling for over $40.00.  Since I plan to sell mine at a school supported yard sale I think $40.00 will be over pricing for the patrons of this particular school.  I hope to make a profit of at least $10.00.

The next treasure was a Justin Beiber tee shirt.  I paid $3.99 for this shirt and it may be a gamble since Justin Beiber is 'so 2012', but I will offer the shirt for $15.00.  I want to make at least $10.00 on this shirt.

Both of these items were at the same store.  I also found a great table for $69.00 which the store manager offered me a deal, but I was not prepared to get a table home (I still have my vacation rental car) so I passed.  I will go back in two weeks and if the table is still there it should be cheaper and I will definitely consider it then.

The second store we went to is where I found my best deal.  I paid $8.99 for a Tadashi (Shoji) long gown.  It is a (steal) deal because my daughter wants it for her prom.  Yeah!!!  We also found an ABS sundress for $3.99 it has never been worn and it was also a (steal) deal.

We will attempt to sell the gown after prom for $75.00.  It may be a stretch, but Imma try!!! The ABS sundress I am sure, my daughter will have, (and wear)  for years to come.

My last week day of vacation, a Friday, was spent at estate sales, (it is what I do to relax).  Every single mom needs to find her way to relax.  It does not have to involve spending a lot of money (unless you have it and want to indulge yourself), but I rather like being thrifty.  It is a skill that I developed while raising my child on my own without the benefit of financial support.  You have to do what you have to do.  I must say, I would never have even considered buying used clothing.  I get furniture all the time and I love the unique finds, but clothing was a different story.  The Tadashi if it was worn at all, was worn one time.  One trip to the cleaners and it is all good! The ABS dress was never worn... It makes a difference to us!

I will let you know in future blog posts whether or not I have made any money on any of our treasures.

Did I tell you that I am saving for a trip to Scandinavia with my daughter.  It is years away, but it is fun making some money to add to our savings.  I recommend you find a fun goal and then plan a way to make that happen.   

Happy Tag Popping Peeps... My Swarm Single Moms!

Holidays on your own

Hello Swarm Single Moms

Today I post this on Easter Sunday.  A holiday. . .  and a holy day for Christians.

How do you spend these days when your children are with your ex and you are on your own.

Do you try to sleep in? Catch up on chores and responsibilities? If you are like some single moms who choose to stay at home and spend the time on your own, make sure you incorporate something that you enjoy doing into your day.  It can be lonely spending a holiday on your own.  But...it doesn't need to be.

Today take some time and give thanks for all your blessings and catch up on the things you really NEED to and then take some time out to spend on you. Call someone you know who is on their own or if you gave a 'maybe' to any invitation...Get dressed and GO!

Life is short. Don't spend it in too much self indulgence.  Get out there and live!