Don't let your current situation define who you become.
I just watched 'The Pursuit of Happyness' last night.
It reminded me of the intense financial struggle I had during the early years of my child's life.
A single mom. I lost my job during the latter part of my pregnancy when I ended up on bed rest for a month. I gave up smoking and drinking which, looking back, would have been my 'go to's' for stress relief. I had to retrain my brain to de-stress in healthy ways. It was hard. I learned to maintain a daily hourly date with my exercise bike on rainy days and walked for an hour on the other days. Although I had always ridden my exercise bike with some dedication, the walking was new and not so easy.
It was a very rough time for me and unfortunately, just the beginning of daily struggles and multiple failures. But I was blessed. I had a healthy child and a lot of chutzpah. If you learn anything about me it should be that I do not give up. I don't forget either, but that is for another time and another place.
So readers of mine, I am trying to relate to you the fact that sometimes life is hard. Sometimes it sucks. Sometimes you can see that others are moving ahead and becoming successful and life seems to be passing you by. I have seen through my own eyes that life may not become what you dreamt it would be. Things happen. People happen...even unGodly people can find their way into your life.
But...you must be strong. You must persevere and develop tunnel vision for your future. You must create the life you want and you must ignore whatever you come to learn about others that could send you into the abyss. Follow the path and use the talents that God has given you, because the gifts that you have been given, will get you to where you will want to be.
Sunday, February 16, 2014
Saturday, February 15, 2014
Keep the negative about your ex away from your kids
Hello Single Mom Readers
Today I want to share a story that took place over the past week. I was having lunch at work with many co-workers. Two of them are new to the single mom situation. Both are going through divorces and are experiencing the tug and pull of anger that can accompany this life change.
Both were commiserating about their exes and happily enjoying sharing their feelings with one who can appreciate what they are going through without judging the words and feelings they were sharing.
This is what recently separating or divorced really need. An ear without judgement. I was thinking how awesome it was for these ladies to be able to share their angst and even some laughter over their current situation. I was so happy that they were able to do so where their kids would not hear anything being said or shared.
Their conversations reminded me of something I had read so long ago about this sort of transition.
Never Ever Ever disrespect your ex in front of your children. They do not need to hear or experience your anger in a negative and hateful way. They are experiencing their own conflicted feelings and they really need you to be the example, One of the benefits of behaving in an adult and mature fashion is that eventually they will emulate how you handle disappointments and loss. If you can show them that you don't have to lose it in order to feel the loss this will help them learn how to manage and handle their own disappointments.
When my daughter was young I remember an acquaintance telling me to make sure that I never tell my child that her father doesn't love her. I remember feeling incredulous that she would even think that I would 'go' there. And although I was quite taken by surprise by her comment I could only reply back that I don't need to make any offering of his feelings for her. His absence speaks volumes.
And so I speak the truth to you single moms. You do not need to speak for anyone but yourself. People reveal themselves and kids are not dumb. They do not miss anything. Parents who loved their kids before a breakup will love their kids after a breakup. Behavior is what children know to be love. Action. Being present. Your kids will see who loves them. You will take the actions necessary to show your kids your love. Your mouth will back up your actions so you can develop trust. So only focus on you and your actions. If you ex has integrity and character he will step up and never allow your kids to question his intentions.
On the other hand, absence is a word that underlines the feelings. If you ex fades out of the picture he never wanted to be there in the first place.
Your kids only need you to be there for them and to love and guide them. Your underlying feelings will also be revealed.
Today I want to share a story that took place over the past week. I was having lunch at work with many co-workers. Two of them are new to the single mom situation. Both are going through divorces and are experiencing the tug and pull of anger that can accompany this life change.
Both were commiserating about their exes and happily enjoying sharing their feelings with one who can appreciate what they are going through without judging the words and feelings they were sharing.
This is what recently separating or divorced really need. An ear without judgement. I was thinking how awesome it was for these ladies to be able to share their angst and even some laughter over their current situation. I was so happy that they were able to do so where their kids would not hear anything being said or shared.
Their conversations reminded me of something I had read so long ago about this sort of transition.
Never Ever Ever disrespect your ex in front of your children. They do not need to hear or experience your anger in a negative and hateful way. They are experiencing their own conflicted feelings and they really need you to be the example, One of the benefits of behaving in an adult and mature fashion is that eventually they will emulate how you handle disappointments and loss. If you can show them that you don't have to lose it in order to feel the loss this will help them learn how to manage and handle their own disappointments.
When my daughter was young I remember an acquaintance telling me to make sure that I never tell my child that her father doesn't love her. I remember feeling incredulous that she would even think that I would 'go' there. And although I was quite taken by surprise by her comment I could only reply back that I don't need to make any offering of his feelings for her. His absence speaks volumes.
And so I speak the truth to you single moms. You do not need to speak for anyone but yourself. People reveal themselves and kids are not dumb. They do not miss anything. Parents who loved their kids before a breakup will love their kids after a breakup. Behavior is what children know to be love. Action. Being present. Your kids will see who loves them. You will take the actions necessary to show your kids your love. Your mouth will back up your actions so you can develop trust. So only focus on you and your actions. If you ex has integrity and character he will step up and never allow your kids to question his intentions.
On the other hand, absence is a word that underlines the feelings. If you ex fades out of the picture he never wanted to be there in the first place.
Your kids only need you to be there for them and to love and guide them. Your underlying feelings will also be revealed.
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